These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
