Swine flu. Run for my life!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
