He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
