bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
