Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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