youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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