dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
