Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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