Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
