You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
