I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
