It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
