Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
