My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
