if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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