you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
