We're facebook friends in real life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
