Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
