dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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