Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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