they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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