Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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