i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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