I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
