at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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