Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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