Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
