You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
