ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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