So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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