so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
