Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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