i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
