Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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