i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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