i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
