lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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