even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
