i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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