I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
