my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
