Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
