Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
