This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
