I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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