the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every concussion has its silver lining
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
