Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
