Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
