Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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