I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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