Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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