dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
