I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
