She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
